Thriving Not Just Surviving: How I Grew into Peace

By Oksana George

Introduction

For most of my life (like almost all of it until now) I used to think surviving was just it for me. I always believed that if I could just make it through the day, push past all that pain I had, and just ignore the chaos in my mind I was doing okay. But really, deep down, I was really tired. Physically, emotionally and even spiritually. I didn’t realize how much I was truly missing by just surviving. 

This blog is a true story of how I had stopped drowning and started to learn how to float, swim and eventually fly. It is truly about how I have faced the parts of myself that I have ran from. And even how I gave up on pretending that I had control and also how I had found peace within myself. 

Thriving isn’t about constant happiness or having it all figured out, no. its truly about feeling content and whole even in the hardest moments. It’s about building a life that really does support who you truly are genuinely as a person and not how the world wants to see you fake it to make it.

This is the space for anyone who truly knows what its like to be really overwhelmed by being in survival mode and that is genuinely ready to reach for something more. I will be sharing my journey, my struggles with PMDD, mental health, healing, self discovery, and even all the tools, the truths and lessons that helped me grow into peace.

If you are seriously tired of just getting by in life I really do hope that you find at least a little light here. It’s a reminder that you are not the only one and you are not alone. Peace IS possible. And overall you are truly worth it!

Survival mode: Activated

Let me give you a true visual like a true painting, a very real but also a funny picture because looking back at it now? WTF Oksana get your life together. 

I would wake up, already tired. I mean, not even moving yet. Just laying still in the bed with my eyes wide open. Anxiety is already creeping in. “Here we go again, Oksana. Another day. Try not to cry before breakfast huh?” 

There really was no plan. No structure. Not even the basic white girl routine with making my iced coffee and working out. NONE OF IT. My vibe? Cereal and chaos. I didn’t set intentions for myself. I set survival mode. I’d put some cereal or pre packaged pancakes at my kids like I was feeding birds. (shame on me i know) That was breakfast. (I truly did feel bad. I love my kids very much) I didn’t even make food for myself to be quite honest with you. I didn’t have the energy.

Then I'd go back to my room and wake my husband up like the bird in moana. Or chicken. Anxiety up the roof already. Honey you need to wake up. I need help. ( translation for please don’t leave me alone with my thoughts… they are not very nice to me.)  I didn’t know I had PMDD at the time. I just thought, “cool guess i'm depressed or having an episode again.” I had no true diagnosis. No understanding. Just a big black cloud brewing over my head. 

My main coping skill? Ignoring everything and going shopping like I had some type of sugar daddy in my life. (No sugar please though) Target runs, youngs, yellow springs you name it. I was there. Emotionally unstable and ready to spend. Because sitting still through my thoughts and feelings was true horror for me. The moment I would sit down at home? BAM- intrusive thoughts, emotional spirals, and a full mental episode would seriously hit me like a freight train that was made of self doubt and doom. I wasn’t present at the moment because I felt so disconnected  from my mind, body like I was watching my life go down the drain. 

Everything was dark like black and white. No joy, lost my spark, just survival mode. I was a lost soul I guess I should say. It was a cycle of that every day. Day. But truth be told? I really was trying my best but just without the tools and my nervous system that had felt like I was at war. But war with myself. 

The Cost of Surviving

Surviving came with a price—and it was heavy. It affected everything: my marriage, my friendships, my relationship with my in-laws, even my own family. There were arguments, disconnects, and moments where people just walked away, and some never came back. It broke me in ways I couldn’t even explain back then.

I wanted to fix things, but honestly, I didn’t know how. I was lost. My health was slipping too.I was eating constantly, not because I was hungry, but because I had nothing else to give myself. No purpose, no energy, no direction. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I couldn’t recognize myself.

I tolerated things I shouldn’t have. I stayed quiet when I should’ve spoken up. I even went along with things that deep down didn’t sit right with me, just to avoid conflict or feel accepted. Looking back, that was me disrespecting myself, my mind, my body, my values. I’ll never do that again.

Survival mode pushed me into a dark place. I was emotionally all over the place, and I didn’t feel safe, not even with myself. If you’re reading this and you’re in that place too, please know you’re not alone. I’ve been there. And there is a way out.

The Moment I Knew I Needed More

Honestly, the moment it hit me that I deserved better, not just for me, but for my little family, was when that one person (and if you’ve been keeping up with my posts, you already know who) told me I had some growing to do. As much as I didn’t want to hear it at the time, they were right. That moment stuck with me.

It didn’t all change overnight. It took time, and it wasn’t easy. I had to really look at my life and admit to myself that I needed more. I needed structure. I needed routine. I needed something that gave me a real sense of purpose. I felt like I was just spinning in circles.

One day I brought it up in therapy and asked, “How do I even get out of this?” And my therapist told me, plain and simple, “You need structure.” That’s when it finally clicked.

So I started building a schedule, not just for me, but for my kids too. I slowly created a routine that gave our days some rhythm. It helped. Actually, it helped a lot. I needed to stay busy, but in a way that was healthy, not chaotic.

I also realized I had to stop holding back in therapy. I needed to be fully honest so I could get the right kind of help. Once I started doing that, plus cutting back on phone time, staying more present, and filling my days with things that actually mattered, my mind started to feel clearer. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was coming back to myself.

That’s when everything started to shift. That was the beginning of something new.

What Thriving Looks Like for Me Now

Peace… yeah. Real peace. And let me tell you, it feels so good. It’s quiet. Not in a lonely way, but in a calm, steady way. My thoughts aren’t constantly spiraling anymore. I’m not stuck in that anxious headspace all day. I’m actually busy, but in a way that makes sense. I’m doing things that have meaning and purpose in my life.

I’ve got a routine now, not just for me, but for the kids too. We have structure. And it’s made such a difference in our home. I’m also doing things for myself, working out, journaling, writing on my blog. Those are my outlets. My healthy hobbies. They help me feel grounded.

I’ve also been way more intentional about spending real, quality time with my kids. Like a solid hour or more of just being present with them, and that fills me up in a way nothing else can. I’m soaking in the good days more. Even the simple ones. Every day feels like a blessing now, and that’s because my mindset has finally shifted in a better direction. Shoutout to my therapist for that.

And yep, I’m still in therapy. I’m still doing the work. Because I want to keep growing. I’ve cried in sessions. I’ve heard things I didn’t want to hear. I’ve been pushed in ways I didn’t expect. But I needed it. And I know now she wasn’t being harsh, she was helping me get real with myself. And that kind of truth? That’s what saved me.

I’ve got a whole new level of respect for myself now. And with that came boundaries. Healthy ones. Needed ones. Things finally feel good because I made the choice to change. Key word, choice. I chose this. I chose me.

Thriving doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It just means I stopped abandoning myself.

Things I Let Go of to Find Peace

There were a lot of things I had to release in order to find real peace. One of the hardest was letting go of certain friendships. Not because I didn’t care about them, I still have love for them. But the truth is, we were on different paths. We used to think the same, live the same, and want the same things… but I started to grow in a different direction. I didn’t want that same lifestyle anymore. I wanted better, for myself and for my little family. That became my purpose.

I also stopped trying to be everything for everyone. I spent so much energy people-pleasing and explaining myself, hoping to be understood. But it never really brought me peace. So now, I choose to just be honest with myself and live in a way that feels right to me. And I don’t carry guilt for that, not anymore.

Choosing myself, choosing my family, that doesn’t mean I think I’m better than anyone. It simply means I made a choice to grow. To get out of a space that wasn’t serving me anymore. And if you’re in that place too, just know… you can make that choice too. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.

My Ongoing Journey

Healing isn’t a straight line — nope, that’s just not how it works. It’s messy, full of ups and downs. Sometimes I feel like I’m making progress, other times it feels like I’m right back where I started. Things don’t just stay the same, and that doesn’t mean I’m failing at life. It’s just part of healing.

Peace? That’s a practice. You have to keep fighting for those good moments. It’s not a final destination. You’re going to have to make some adjustments along the way,  with yourself, your mindset, your habits.

What really helps me stay grounded is taking a break. Pulling away from everything, my phone, the noise,  and getting outside for some fresh air or a walk. Clearing my head, sitting with my emotions, and then figuring out what I can actually change. When I do that, my mind starts working with me instead of against me. That’s how I stay grounded.

This is my journey: staying busy (but in a healthy way), sitting with my emotions, spending time with my kids, grounding myself, and making small improvements every single day.

A Message to Others Still in Survival Mode

Listen, you’re not stuck. You’re not failing. And this? It’s definitely not the end of the world. What you need right now is to find ways to keep yourself moving,  keep busy, talk to someone you trust (there are free counselors out there, seriously), find what grounds you, and take care of yourself.

I know it sounds easier said than done. Changing your whole way of living can feel impossible at first. But if you just give it a shot, a few weeks, that’s all, you might start seeing some real changes.

It’s never too late. You deserve way more than just barely getting through each day. There’s a full life waiting for you. Make every day count, even the tough ones. Find a little light in the hard moments.

And hey, if you’re reading this right now? Give yourself some credit. That’s the first step, trying to turn old bad habits into better ones. You’re not alone in this. Keep going. You got this.

As always, with love, Oksana

My Affirmation for You

“You are not here to survive. You are here to live it. SO live it fully, freely and in peace.”

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