From reaction to reflection: my wake up call

By Oksana George

Introduction

There was a time in my life when everything set me off. And I don’t mean the little annoyances—I’m talking full-blown reactions. I was always defensive, overly emotional, and honestly? Exhausting to be around. (And I mean my energy drained people. Let’s be real—energy doesn’t lie.)

I kept telling myself I was just “standing up for myself,” but the truth? I was avoiding the real work: taking a deeper look at myself. And if I’m being totally honest… I didn’t even know how to reflect. That was one of my biggest weaknesses. Still is, sometimes. And saying this out loud isn’t easy—it’s actually really hard.

But I need to, because I know I’m not the only one who’s struggled with this. When something happened that I didn’t like, I didn’t pause. I didn’t think, “Okay, what just happened? How do I respond in a healthy way?” Nope. My ego took over. In that split second, I was “standing up for myself”—but not in a way that helped anyone. Not in a way that showed growth.

The breaking point/ wake up moment

There wasn’t just one moment that made me realize I needed to grow—there were multiple. And I mean, multiple moments where I seriously hurt people. Some forgave me… and some didn’t. Which is completely valid. I’ve said and done things that I can’t take back. No matter how many times I say “I’m sorry,” the truth is—actions speak louder than words. And one moment that really stuck with me? It happened with my mother-in-law.

Her mom was in the hospital with a serious heart issue. I didn’t know the full weight of what she was dealing with at the time. I was just hanging out with a close friend who was doing my hair. She had bought the products, the dye, and made me feel so taken care of. I was on an emotional high—just genuinely happy. So I texted my MIL to share that moment, telling her what my friend did for me. I was excited. I wanted to brag a little about having a good friend and feeling blessed. Her reply came five minutes later: “ok.”

That one word hit me the wrong way. I instantly thought, “Seriously? Just ‘ok’? That’s rude. I’m sharing something that made me really happy and that’s all she says?” I showed the text to my friend and even she was like, “Umm… yeah that was kind of rude.” But what neither of us knew at that time was that my MIL had just come from the hospital. Her mom was in critical condition. She was stressed, overwhelmed, and trying to juggle a million things—including figuring out dinner for her husband and planning what they were going to do next as a family.

Instead of stepping back and thinking maybe she’s going through something, I let my ego take control. I didn’t pause. I didn’t reflect. I just reacted. And I went off. Like… full-blown, nasty, petty-mode activated. And honestly? I still don’t know how she forgave me after that. After a day and a half of playing the petty game, I finally told my husband everything that happened. I was expecting him to be mad, but he didn’t blow up. He just calmly gave me a perspective I hadn’t even considered. He said, “Oksana… her mom is in the hospital.”

At first, I tried to defend myself like, “That still doesn’t mean she can be rude!” But then he said something that stopped me in my tracks: “Sweetie, what if it was your mom in the hospital? And someone came at you like that? How would you feel?” That was my wake-up moment. That’s when it hit me. I messed up. I let my emotions take over, and I didn’t give her the grace or space she clearly needed. All she had the energy to say was “ok,” and I turned it into something it wasn’t. I felt disgusted with myself.

So I decided to do something I’d never done before: I called her. I wanted to apologize. Own it. But when I dialed her number—it went straight to voicemail. That’s when I realized… she blocked me. At first I was like, “How dare she?!” Yep—there go those emotions again. But my husband just gave me that look. You know, the “Maybe she just doesn’t want to deal with you right now” kind of look. And that was fair. Valid, even.

So instead of texting her himself, my husband handed me his phone. He let me call her from there. She answered. And the moment I heard her voice crack and say “Hi,” my heart dropped. I knew I had deeply hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. I took a deep breath and said, “Lisa? Hi, it’s Oksana. I just want to say I’m so, so sorry. I let my emotions get the best of me and said things I never should have. You don’t have to forgive me, but I need you to know I truly am sorry.” And do you know what she said? “I forgive you.” That wrecked me.

She’s known me for 8 years—she knows how I can get. And somehow, she still chose to forgive me. That meant everything. I told her I don’t even know why I did what I did, but there was no excuse for it. I had to put my big girl pants on, admit I was wrong, and start doing better. That moment? That conversation? It was the turning point. Because real growth isn’t about pretending you’ve never messed up. It’s about owning the moments when you did—and choosing to be better moving forward.

What I had learned

The biggest thing I learned? Not everything needs a reaction. Sometimes people are going through things that have absolutely nothing to do with you—and you won’t always get the response you expected or wanted. That doesn’t mean it’s personal. I learned that I don’t need to let my emotions speak before I give my mind a chance to catch up. I needed to grow up emotionally. I needed to pause, reflect, and ask myself, “Is this really about me? Or is this just my ego talking?” I also learned that grace goes both ways.

If I want people to understand me, I’ve got to be willing to understand them too—even when I’m hurt or confused. And honestly? I learned that saying “sorry” is only part of it. Real growth is when you change how you respond next time. I’m not proud of how I acted, but I am proud of the fact that I owned it—and I’m working on being better every single day. I have my slip ups from time to time but right here- right now- I am working towards getting better with my emotional regulation through therapy and writing.

Found on pinterest

Learning to reflect

Looking back, one of the biggest changes in me is that I’ve learned to slow way down. I don’t let my first emotion take over the whole situation anymore. That doesn’t mean I don’t still get triggered or hurt—I’m human. But now, instead of reacting right away, I take a step back and ask myself: “Okay… what’s really going on here?” I try to look at the bigger picture. Is this person just having a hard day? Am I projecting something that isn’t even about them? Do I need to cool off before I respond? That’s been the shift.

I don’t rush to defend myself anymore, and I don’t immediately assume the worst. I try to understand where the other person might be coming from—even if I don’t agree. That used to be impossible for me, honestly. But now? I actually sit with things before reacting. And listen, it hasn’t been easy. Reflection doesn’t feel good at first. It’s uncomfortable. It means facing the ugly parts of yourself and admitting when you were wrong. But it also gives you peace. It gives you power over your own emotions instead of letting them control you.

I’m learning that reflection is strength. It’s maturity. And it’s the thing that’s helped me grow into someone I’m finally proud of becoming. Along this journey called “growth,” I’ve had to unlearn a lot of emotional habits—and let me tell you, it’s been awkward as hell sometimes. But I’ve started doing things that actually help me make better choices in how I respond. I walk away when I need to.

I journal about stuff instead of immediately venting to other people. And honestly? The only person I really open up to now is my therapist. And whew, she challenges me. Like, calls me out in the best (and most uncomfortable) ways. Some of the most awkward moments in therapy aren’t even about what I say—it’s my face. My face still says a lot even when my mouth is shut. (Yeah… still working on that part.) And the ego?

Yeah, I’ve had to start letting that go too. Because 9 times out of 10, it’s not even about me. It’s about how I choose to react in the moment when something rubs me the wrong way. That’s been a huge challenge, not gonna lie. But through therapy, journaling, and actually sitting with my feelings instead of exploding from them—things have taken a turn. And not just any turn—like a real, solid, better one.

Old Me vs. New Me

One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed in myself lately is how I handle my emotions. The old me? If I got mad, I’d blow up—zero hesitation. I’d say the wildest, most unhinged stuff in the heat of the moment, and then feel awful later. But now? I walk away. I take a second (or a few minutes, or however long I need) to cool off before I come back and actually address the problem the right way. Slowing down has brought me so much more peace—not just with myself, but with the people around me too. And as a mom?

Whew. I used to yell a lot. I didn’t have the patience because I was reacting off pure emotion. But now, I don’t go there anymore. When I feel myself getting overwhelmed, I step away, breathe, and come back with a clearer mind and a better way to handle whatever’s going on. That right there? That’s growth. It might not always be perfect—but it’s progress. And that means something to me.

It’s still a journey

I’m not perfect, and I still catch myself slipping sometimes. But the difference now? I catch it. I don’t just let it slide or make excuses for it. Growth isn’t also about never messing up (because you will slip up every once in awhile) it’s about how you recover. Now I want to ask you something—when was the last time you really sat with your emotions before reacting?” Not to beat yourself up, but to understand yourself better. Because if I’ve learned anything, it’s that we can’t grow unless we’re honest with ourselves first.

Start small. Next time something sets you off, take a breath and ask: “Is this about them… or is this about me?” You’d be surprised what comes up when you give yourself the space to reflect. It’s not easy. It’s not comfortable. But it’s so worth it. You don’t have to get it perfect—just be willing to try. And just so you know? You’re not alone.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Dang… I’ve done that too,”—same. We all have patterns we’re not proud of. We’ve all had moments where we wish we could go back and do things differently. But the fact that you’re even willing to reflect? That means something. That’s the first step. Growth isn’t about being perfect—it’s about choosing to do better, even when it’s uncomfortable. So give yourself grace, take a breath, and just keep going. You got this.

A little note to my past self (and to any woman who feels stuck in reaction mode):

Girl… breathe. You don’t have to react to everything. You don’t have to fight every battle, prove every point, or defend yourself every time you feel misunderstood. I know it feels like survival sometimes—but it’s not. It’s just your old patterns trying to protect you. You’re allowed to slow down. You’re allowed to pause and say, “Let me think before I speak.” That’s not weakness. That’s growth.

Give yourself grace when you mess up. Own it, learn from it, and do better next time. You’re not behind, and you’re not broken—you’re just becoming. Reflection might feel weird and uncomfortable at first. That’s okay. Sit with it anyway. The version of you you’re working toward? She’s worth it. And you’ll get there—one deep breath, one honest look in the mirror, and one brave choice at a time. You’ve got this.

— Oksana <3

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